Snacky Cakes or Cheezy Poofs?

Clearly, a non-question if I've ever heard one. Snacky Cakes and Cheezy Poofs maintain their own spaces in our tiny processed-food universe.

Snacky Cakes fill the void of a missed meal. Trying to catch a plane? Late for a meeting? Won't have a moment to stop and eat during your busy, busy "E"-day, Mr. Internet Hacker? Snacky Cakes are the ideal food-on-the-go. Loaded (and I mean, LOADED) with calories (and sugar!), a standard six-pack of Snacky Cakes first thing in the morning will keep you going straight through 'til the crack of dawn -- think of it as an 8-Ball of cocaine for those not quite ready to adopt that kind of lifestyle.

Cheezy Poofs, on the other hand, are a "relaxed" food. When life really slows down, I like to climb up on the couch with a 3-gallon bag of Poofs, a half-gallon of my favorite low-fat chocolate milk, and my girlfriend du jour and watch the entire evening of Must-See TV (even if it includes back-to-back episodes of Just Shoot Me). Light, airy and coated with that addiction-inspiring fluorescent orange dust--Cheezy Poofs are only for when you have the kind of time to spend lingering hours of finger-sucking necessary to get all that ultra-tasty cheezepaste from out under your fingernails. Better yet, enjoy this kind of time with a partner! A more erotic experience is hard to find--clearly, Cheezy Poofs are for "Fun Time". (Wink, wink.)

Of course, I leave these recommendations in the hands of the vegetarians for whom they were obviously meant for. Myself, as a carnivore, I would choose Veal Roll-Ups every time.

By: Blank Me Amadeus


Copywrong 1999